I could feel it coming; that daily blah feeling that relentlessly follows me around. It caught up with me at about 3:30pm today. I looked at a small pile of papers on my desk and a few items seemed to me a mountain of work I could not possibly deal with. The only thing I could do was stare at the wall and worry that the dullness overtaking my light was permanent.
The only thing to do was do something, but nothing was the only thing I could do.
So I sat, and finally a half an hour before sundown I dredged my way into the kitchen to prepare something to eat…but my legs had other ideas.
They took me to my bike and started cycling around the neighborhood.
My brain protested:
You are not 10 years old. No.
You look like a crazy person riding around.
Smile at the lady with the dog…no return smile, she thinks you’re crazy, look away, there’s an orange tree..
…and a lemon tree?
Wow this foliage is not bad at all
And listen to all those birds
Look at how much food there is for the birds, berries, nuts, flowers…
You look like a fool, don’t grin.
You have nothing to live for
Whats the point
Look at that dad putting together a kite with his 7 kids
And then here’s me, no kid to take along so I don’t look crazy enjoying a sunset cruise in suburbia, CA
The wind is making my eyes water
I’m not crying but my eyes think I am, and it feels pretty good
Rounding the corner…must have been about 20 min or so…home
Feeling better, 100 times better probably
Not jumping for joy or anything, but I’m feeling more logical, like I might have a little inspiration that was too scared to come out and play, but now it must have felt it was safe to come out, even just peek out a little.
Enough to think – You’ve been wanting to write that Beat the Blues article, what better time after you somehow found your way out?
So, I haven’t done my research but after today I can offer a few things that might help you:
1. Exercise: But, don’t even call it that, don’t even think about it again. Just do it the way you drink a glass of water when you’re not even thirsty. Go outside no matter how cold it is and walk, run, stretch, breathe, whatever. Just get some fresh air and move your body.
Let your mind go where it will, and eventually maybe, you can just be.
2. Of course the sun only shines so often, so you must light your flame within. To do this, you must find something that is just for you. Recently, I have found this blog which is a pastime that has given me the opportunity to be me, however I want to be. And so, to face the dark as the sun sets on another day, I find my way to the laptop to write something eternal. I worry not about who will read, who will like, who will comment, but I think of me, and what keeps that flame going.
Find what ignites the light inside of you. Is it as simple as a walk? Strumming on your guitar? Taking some pans and buckets and setting up a percussion jam? Reading a good book? Kicking some major butt in your self-defense class at the gym? Drawing pictures that make you laugh? Writing a poem? Baking a loaf of bread or chocolate chip cookies? Mixing beats? Putting together a film?
Whatever it is, remember, that it is something simple that will keep you going. It’s not something you can buy, no one can sell it to you. It’s not something to eat, no one can feed it to you. It is something very simple, very beautiful, and it requires no talent at all. Its inside of you and every one of us. It is one of the few things in the world we have choice about; to see the light inside of yourself and let it shine. Let it wash away the worries that weigh you down and make you so tired, you are sure there is nothing that can help.
Or at least put them on hold for a little bit, so you can enjoy life the way its meant to be enjoyed.